Fawlty Towers – April 2018

‘The bed was a small standard double and the mattress left a lot to be desired. If you lay near the edge you found yourself almost being tipped out of bed. So a bad night’s sleep – surely a good bed ( and reasonable size) in a four-star hotel is a pretty basic essential’

‘There were some real idiocies in this room: for instance, the coffee mugs were far too large to fit under the coffee machine. The (unspecified brand) coffee pods just about worked, but provided only half a cupful. A nightlight below the windows was entirely obstructed by the curtains once drawn. In the bathroom, the WC flush buttons were inaccessible unless the seat lid was put down, and were those maddening dual-flush things that never work properly on the short flush and thus use three times more water than necessary. The shower-screen leaked on to the floor, and the anti-slip mat was torn and frankly a bit revolting. The pedal-bin didn’t work, so you had to bend down and haul the lid up by hand.’

‘I was exasperated by the lack of attention to detail. The old maxim that hoteliers should regularly spend a night in each of their rooms to find out what’s wrong could well be advised here. We didn’t enjoy our stay nearly as much as I’d hoped, and wouldn’t spend another night here until it gets its act together. It seems to be living off its fat, and hoping no one notices.’

‘After checking in we were escorted to our room and left to our own devices – no newspapers or dinner menus were proffered, nor any other information about the place. We had a more sprightly welcome from the resident family of charming fluffy-legged bantams, who converged across the orchard to inspect us.’