Fawlty Towers – August 2018

‘Our large L-shaped room had flower-power wallpaper, and fittings which made it appear like something from the set of a tacky 50s American film. The bed frame was illuminated from beneath, and the bed head similarly from the sides by strip lighting: no bedside lamps, just two flexi LHD spots and a steel framed wall light. A grey herringbone-patterned carpet and a cheap and nasty wall mirror with ornamental silver on black decoration (an auctioneer would pay to have it taken away). Two horrendous apricot coloured chairs with very high backs on either side of a small round white table. A large open wasted space had a fitted four panel glass fronted wardrobe with sliding doors. The whole was utterly tasteless. The bathroom was sizeable but dated, with its white rectangular tiles reminiscent of a seafront public WC, an unappealing jacuzzi bath and a leaking shower panel.’

‘At breakfast, staff battled against loud, poor quality Muzak to serve insipid tea and reasonable scrambled egg loaded on leathery sliced bread. Daylight revealed the full glory of fittings, with metal lights hung from a large steel frame and a chandelier concocted from trussed angle poise lamps.’

‘When we arrived for breakfast, the only greeting was “Do you know your table number”? The bacon served was excellent, but buffet limited and nearly everything in closed jars, so no nice presentation as you would expect. No freshly squeezed orange juice. The hotel has a fantastic location, beautiful gardens and good pool, but too much of the interior is tired, and frankly we felt that the staff need a good shake-up. My wife commented that there was an attitude problem, and we felt that they were doing us a favour most of the time.’