Fawlty Towers – March 2019

‘The proprietors told me they had a prize-winning chef but I fear that his prizes were not for cooking. The lukewarm duck breast with indeterminate brown gravy was tough, and the cheese plate (unnamed cheeses) looked like a pub ploughman’s and was freezing cold.The waitress, who was extremely young, smiled and was pleasant but simply flung down the cutlery. The Spanish waiter couldn’t speak English well enough to take the orders without much interrogation. He must though have had a good vocabulary because he asked whether I was asking for tapioca when I wanted tap water.’

‘The new owners are young, keen, but completely inexperienced in the hospitality trade. They  say that the previous owners simply left them with a bunch of 40 keys, and departed. I feel for them. They were most anxious to please and offered discounts at every turn (aware, I suspect, of the TripAdvisor effect), But they seem to have no idea about what makes a comfortable and relaxing night in a hotel, still less what a decent dinner is.’

‘The lighting controls were insanely complicated. Even after a week we had barely mastered them. But with patience and perseverance we got a decent level for reading.’